2012 first week of school. A story of witch and shit and exam.

A shit beginning today.

the pressure crammed into my brain once I stepped into the room twenty-four. I knew at the moment shit would start. The witchy-british-doll-faced something started taunting at me. What the hell is going on? Well, I lied. I lied to ther that I am working on my second graph of seamus heaney coursework and she asked for it tomorrow. Great. This time really I have to work all night to deal with that peice of shit. I just hate this subject. For goodness's sake I am having an exam on friday. Birthday on wednesday is pointless and meaningless whilst witchy-bitchy asked you for one thousand words well-connected, constructed, written poem analysis. Well I dont mind not to give a damn on my eighteen birthday, what makes me more fuck-up is that how am I going to blow up one-thousand words in less than twenty-four hours. God bless me. I have to press the button all over the time I am sure until six months at least later. Thank you.
Timetable is also sick. the man who scheduled this should be sent to addenbrokes hospital mental department immediately. What the hell is going on? i cant believe that I am mumbling for two hundred words. it is not my style. stay calm ka shek. you can one day get that shit done and get all A. I promise. Now get the hell back to your books. Good luck.

Stay calm with love.

What will be the difference if I now allow myself to think of her all the time from purely take her picture out of my mind? We are in different places, facing the challenge of going to university. I know, I have fallen in love. But please, Stay calm, and focus, nothing will change even if you spend your time at thinking of her more than revising. Let the things go naturally. The most important thing now is to get into Cambridge. You have already created a chance for yourself, go it further and don't miss it. It is not for granted.

God bless me.

it is time to press the button again.

Using my own slang: it is time to press a button.

I feel a bit sad. it is a sadness tainted with fear. The fear from future. I am leaving again tomorrow. The holiday was rewarding, and I am very much grateful for the time from my friends and family. I will miss you all. In fact, I am missing you all already. The battle starts. This time we must get to the bottom of the things and strike at the heart of the problem. Calm down, ka shek. Just focus and work. You will be.. well, I dont know? 'you will have no regret' should be an appropriate phrase.

I will think of her, and wish her well. I utterly hope she will get into university. I heartfeltly, wish she would get into the department she wants. I will pray for you.

I tell nothing, brag nothing, but work and focus, humble and firm. We will all watch and wait.

No fear. No nervous. A windless mind.

my brother asked me why do you leave so early?

Well, I have to say, I must go. I must go for the battle against. This time, I will be calm and confident, with well-constructed plan. Dissolving difficulties step by step and finding their context, with logical and rational skill. Meantime I would never forsake my sensibility whilst I learn to use sense to see the world. I pray. God will help me. I play and replay, that, one day, my aspiration will turn into achievable target.

A windless heart and spirit. composed and collected and calm. imperturbable and unflappable.

an old start.

A great dinner with wong sir, which again arouse my desire to be a vegetarian. Being a vegetarian seems to be a part of my past; an inconceivable past which I don't remember. I feel serene and happy when I keep out of meat.. The feeling is so strong tonight that perhaps I should make up my mind even, in the UK, undertaking a plan of staying away from meat. Coherence of insistence and consistence. I am happy because I am not joining the part of killing.

Clear and simple life.

The target is pure and simple, the step is well-planned and sturdy, the heart is calm and confident. I am not worried about the difficulty ahead of me, through the things I processed above, the difficulty and depression can be dissolved. My action will tell. I don't have to attend any hearsay around me, but make the best use of every second, and perfect use of my flair, and not to waste the expectation from my parents, and the talent that inherently born with me. With my best use of my aptitude to help people on the planet. Thank you, I am grateful for everything I have. May the god help me if thou art here.

be a good man and be nothing to do with stuff without the stage.

i think i'll feel much better if i dont give a damn on any affair with girls but focusing on friends and family. that's what i will do, and what will make me happy. I have made up my mind? the question of sadness and depression have none the less related to, anyone, but our self.

road is long, keep my monkey mind calm, and things will go smooth. of course, be a good person too.