The day before History.

The impetus of writing this daily stemmed the recall from future. Tomorrow morning will be the most difficult and important examination in my life; I am sure after many years when I read this again this must sound incredibly ridiculous. But I still have to say, tomorrow is an important and difficult day. For the very first time I persuade myself to be calm and confident. I've done everything I possibly can. 

Then wait and watch; No shame and no stigma. 

I wonder what will the question be; even I am equipped

to fight against this horrendous abysm

This is my last words, god bless me;

Pray sincerely am I now to-morrow will be the way of washing off the shame

Instead of walking toward another failure

just as what I have been doing for eighteen years

t'is poetic babbling I've just puzzled out was my first poem I write after

the trial of torment of literature lesson. 

Courage and dignity I wish I could, 

regardless of the result, shall be ours. 

Yet t'is no life. Respect from victory.

Again, God bless me. 

You work too hard.

I did not smoke today.

Mark made fun of me by saying you are one of few students I've met who work too hard. I said to me, you must be kidding. There's no such thing, for me, of working too hard. Meantime, a subtle sadness came across, if I were clever, why would I work like now? - NO If I could have a better guidance and education in infancy, I could have gone to party and still done well. But I can not. I am mediocre. Diligence is the pill for mediocre and, poor. If now I find a way, why not take it on? Even Cambridge, in reality, every day on the way school, I have no expectation or dream about the badge on the brown wall and knew it would be a pipe dream, I still sometimes, allow me, envisaged a chance. okay? 

I must give up smoking.

After almost two months of hard-work (It could still be better) I suddenly remember I've got a diary. Though I don't have much to say at this moment, I still want to write a few words about the flying weeks and months. I am happy about my growth and improvement in my self-control, to be sure, I can still be better. Until now I still rely on cigarette to de-stress myself, which was not a very good idea. I felt in this week, my health is deteriorating. I should drop it from this moment. Good luck on my exam. As usual when writing this diary, it is at the midnight that I feel rather drowsy so I cant write too much, my brain just isn't working. Good luck on my exam. May God bless me, if there is any.