2012 and sleepless night just as usual.

This is a rewarding christmas. I am truly delighted in staying with my family. Every second with them is a present for me, and I am always grateful for that. I didn't do much textbooks, academics revision, however, I found, and I did achieve something more than that. Through listening to various kind of people I learn loads.

I have another problem too. I think, I am sick. I am afflicted by a disease of vague feelings, between love and something strange. well, I am unsure about that. Perhaps I can never be sure about that. The dogmas of buddha, and the advice from my father, are getting the thing more complicated. In a nutshell, my thought is in utterly mess and troubles.

I naturally, sms her every day (i even didn't attempt to control? is that a sort of sin?) i feel happy when i stay with her. however, i feel unconfident, and she deserves much better.

I would like to put aside those stuff, if I could. it would be a trivial and tedious mumbling in a hindsight after many years perhaps. i have the feeling i am in love again. since i have the symptoms of loving, just as something happened one and a half year ago.

i think i have a well-constructed plan, and mindset to tackle with the tribulation and trials ahead of me. i am calm about the exam. i know i must be more disciplinary and work harder to exert fully my ability and brainpower. it is important. every time when i watch bbc, i know, i must do it. and i will show the people who mock at me, that, you were wrong, and you are wrong. i can do much better than your expectation. but i will never laugh at them; but be thankful for their encouragement.

happy, and smooth, and peaceful 2012. calmness, focus and insistence, and i hope... right, that's what i hope, she will be here with me..